The question: If something was missing from our life, be it love or success or some other experience, action or thing. Does that impact our happiness?
In business and in life, the balance across all levels of our lives is key to attaining performance. At a subconscious level, if we have limits emotionally from a layer in our conditioning, this can impact our decision making, our confidence, our performance and ultimately the direction we take our careers and businesses.
Love is a taboo word in the world of business. But loving what you do is talked about often at mid life and if things just don’t work out. But we are often putting the real issue of love, loving and connection in the back ground for business success.
This is a belated article. Around Valentines day there was a lot of commotion about Love and relationships and recently leap year heralded a once in a few year opportunity for women alone to ‘pop the question’. The Edge (NZ Radio) was recently talking about a line in Lukas Grahams new song ‘Seven Years Old’, “when I was eleven years old my daddy told me to find a wife or I would be lonely”. They were talking about the conditioning that most, if not all of us, are all held in the grasp of. Love, defined as being in a relationship is indeed a belief that we are have running concurrent with the preoccupation of living, working, eating and doing everyday things.
Such deep seated beliefs about love and relationships are first patterned to us by our parents, our environment and the influence of media in the form of movies and lyrics, such as Lukas Graham’s. But it goes deeper than that and is in our psyche with fairy tales being told to us from a young age, traditional fairy tales, and contemporary ones lived day in and day out by us all as a level of expectation, albeit rather out of context for some, at the depths of how we live our lives.
Girls particularly are cultivated in the belief system of our society that we are to grow up to find ‘the one’ and ‘live happily ever after’ This belief is supported by the comments around us and with the giggles of girlfriends, which I can remember as young as eight, with my first crush. Georgina Isbister (University of Sydney)in her article “Sex and the City: a post feminist fairy tale” extends the fairy tale for a contemporary life and does a wonderful job of extending the influence of ‘the fairy tale’ theories. Then the blokes, well they have a different perspective, not about giggles, but other desires born from the conditioning of action based roles, working, and providing. Many many articles and books have been written as we contemplate the phenomena of love. My position as I share this is not about gender perspective roles, but rather the stance that love is all around us.
The need for love is magnetic, it is innate. Neuroscience research can see where such actions and feelings fire in our brains and The Heart Math Institute can show how our hearts emit an electromagnetic field as shown by this quote from The Heart Math Institute
“The heart generates the largest electromagnetic field in the body. The electrical field as measured in an electrocardiogram (ECG) is about 60 times greater in amplitude than the brain waves recorded in an electroencephalogram (EEG).”
They have researched, that we reach and influence our reality. This clearly shows that the range of love is entirely relevant to our experience.
Working with clients over the years, the “love problem” has come up over and over again and the desire to be happy often hinges on this target despite the ever growing statistics of singles. Shawn Achor, author of “The Happiness Advantage” writes about the seeking of happiness being a goal instead of a decision now. He explains that we often put off being happy to a future event. Like getting a job, getting enough money or a relationship.
My article today is with this premise in mind.
The template that I will share in this article has been inspired from my journey and the research that I have accidentally happened upon whilst supporting other clients.
Love seems to be a focus, but it comes in many forms. Happiness and Love can go hand in hand, as I mentioned earlier. But lets dive a little deeper here. It has been said that the English language has some limitation in defining the word ‘love’, the Greeks might have had a better way of using words to describe the phenomena that we all feel. I know talking to many over the years, that love can bring up cringes. Certainly, in business we definitely seem to go “eek, not that word in the office!”.
Greek words for love and the many forms of love: eros (sexual passion), agapa (a love for everyone), philia (deep friendship), ludus (a playful love), pragma (a longstanding love) and philautia (love of the self).
All of these words bring about a feeling within us. A stance if you like. A sense of being, or connection.
In the business world, I honestly don’t think there is a word, Greek or otherwise. Maybe integrity and right action. Ethics maybe. In a course on Commercial Law that I did many years ago I learnt that at the level of common law a precedent was set by a famous case Donoghue v Stevenson. ‘duty of care’ was the common law precedent established by this case. Duty of care is “to love thy neighbour”. Such a premise seems to have been forgotten by many in business. With the need to win over the need to do what is right. I have certainly witnessed many situations where negligence was present and the balance of justice did not weigh with the victim. The law being about ‘putting a case forward’ and not necessarily about ‘loving thy neighbour’.
Many of us are crippled by love particularly, but others by financial failure or other perceived personal limitation.
So how do we bring a level of balance into our life with so many complexities?
The question: If something was missing from our life, be it love or success or some other experience, action or thing. Does that make or break our happiness?
No: Shawn Achor says that happiness is a choice. It can be a choice even within the flow of limitation.
Below is a chart to show how to take a Life Warrant of Fitness. There are ten scores and each represents an area of your life. An overall score shows a summary of how you are feeling. Adding them up gives you a life performance overview.
By going through this exercise, you can bring conscious what works and what limits.
This template was developed to bring “love” into evaluating our life performance. This is important to show the perspective of love as a real need. Love is what drives us, it is paramount. The seeking that we do, I believe is actually so integral to who we are as human beings existing in a world of opposites. The connected nature of reality draws us magnetically together.
My work with clients is around bringing conscious their thoughts and feelings. The Love issue has been prominent in my life and in the lives of clients and I would have to say honestly that my quest for Love has indeed become my quest for happiness as the absence of romantic love has spurred my understanding of myself and my power in the world.
Not only have we been conditioned to see relationships through a perspective of cultural norms, but we have by contrast learnt beliefs about the opposite of those norms. This also needs to be identified in terms of performance, particularly in business. Therefore by consciously contemplating what drives us personally and collectively we have an opportunity to identify where we can make internal changes in how we think, feel and act.
Values and life missions come into this subject, for what we are here to do is not simply about our careers or even our families, but pushing ourselves beyond the limits that we have imagined. For limits are illusions set by our own beliefs. They can be shifted by application of some discipline.
Change today, what we did yesterday, to identify the 'problem' areas.
(The exercise above will help to do this)
Strategise how to implement changes. Planning.
DAILY reveiw . Commitment and consistency.
Shawn Achor says that the brain is ‘plastic’and in 21 days we can create new pathways in our brain. Plasticity of the brain means we are not locked into our behaviours. We have control. We can change our experience by changing what we think, feel and do.
Bruce Lipton, who is the author of Biology of Belief. Wrote in his more recent book about the honeymoon effect. (book titled, The Honeymoon Effect). He explained that when we fall in love we experience the following:
A state of bliss, passion, energy, and health resulting from a huge love. Your life is so beautiful that you can’t wait to get up to start a new day and you thank the Universe that you are alive.
Bruce Lipton also relays that we are 95% subconscious and only 5 % conscious. In this subconscious level are beliefs about our world, about love. What happened in the first 7 years of our life plays itself out in our adult world. If we were hurt in those first seven years with regard to love for example, we will have a ‘program’ that comes up with love experiences. Of course the same is said about say our beliefs about money or success etc. But love is a key player in our business performance. Love links to all kinds of other aspects of our being.
So what we think about, the chatter that goes on that triggers our emotions is important to bring conscious. Beliefs shape who we are. And they shape our expectations about any given desire we have in life. If we want to be prosperous and happy then our subconscious will be playing along, even if you don’t realise it.
Happiness is linked to performance both in our personal life, in terms of engagement and experience and in our business life in terms of success, motivation and performance.
To have someone in our lives as a significant other is only about 1/10th of our life, but to be limiting our life by our conscious and subconscious preoccupation about what is not working will directly affect our other relationships, our physical body and ultimately our performance at work.
Some of us know innately that love in its many forms is part of the human experience, as is the striving for betterment, for making our mark, to leave a legacy. That is why I believe templates like the one I have shared above are important to bring conscious our needs, wants and desires across all areas of our living experience.
To bring happiness to the fore as a moment to moment choice, I recommend:
- Learn your truth and practice speaking it in a harmonious way
- Spend time in nature
- Cultivate a perspective of contemplating the beauty all around you
- Thinking consciously about what your goals are by templates like the one shown to you, take action to change and be consistent for 21-28 days.
- Seek healing in a modality that resonates for any areas of limitation that are beyond your ability to master.
- Be kind to yourself and others
- Live a life of freedom by knowing what you are about, what is important.
- Celebrate your talents and successes, daily.
- Be grateful, daily
- See the world through eyes of wonder, like the honeymoon effect. Be in love with life.
By giving our lives a Warrant of Fitness and applying the methods provided in this article we have an opportunity to live in vitality.
To REWIRE and BE IN LOVE WITH LIVE.
Written with Business Love
director Decimal Guru
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Georgina Article : http://w3.unisa.edu.au/cil/csaa/files/isbister_edited_version.pdf